


It's Christmas After All

by jacquelee



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:48:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22102081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacquelee/pseuds/jacquelee
Summary: Pepper and Natasha meet shortly before the first Christmas after the snap.
Relationships: Pepper Potts & Natasha Romanov
Kudos: 6





	It's Christmas After All

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [Lands_of_Magic](https://lands-of-magic.dreamwidth.org) for a picture prompt of a room decked out in Christmas decorations, with a large tree and a fireplace.

It wasn't like Natasha had been a big fan of Christmas before. Except, in the last few years, she had been invited by Clint and Laura to spend it with their family and she had always happily accepted. Those memories were among the ones she cherished the most. 

Except, now they were tainted, wrong. She couldn't even think about Clint at all without seeing his face when he had come to the complex after everything changed, the way he had looked so broken, so lost. And there had been nothing she could do about that. Because she had no idea what to do at all. 

It was just like Steve had said, except they had been too late, the stones had been gone and there was no way to bring anyone back. And they were still alive. They had to go on. Somehow. Even when they had no idea what that even meant at all. Even when the first few days and weeks it literally just meant reacting, answering questions, defending themselves from people attacking them for not having stopped this.

It wasn't like anyone could have said anything that would have hurt any of them more than what they were telling themselves, so it just felt like needle pricks when their skin was already so raw every breeze hurt. But they made it through. Somehow. They made it through the inquiries, the hastily established hearings with just a handful of not even elected officials, the stares when they were just out and about on the streets. 

And now, only a few months after the whole world ended but didn't actually end, it was Christmas time and nobody seemed to know what to do about that. Sure, a rudimentary order was established now, stores were open, doctors and other vital services worked, at least more or less. 

But the difference was still felt always and everywhere. There were only a handful of radio stations anymore and only one of them was brave enough to play Christmas songs. Even then, they obviously did not play the infamous one, the one that would remind everyone of what they had last Christmas, of what they had lost. 

Who they had lost. Friends, family, neighbors. The people who they would spend Christmas with, who they would be happy with, laugh with. They were all gone now. And the few decorations some people put up, the few lights in store windows that brought a small flicker of warmth into this far too cold world couldn't actually do anything to make that loss less felt.

For Natasha, it wasn't something she particularly paid attention to. Sure, when she saw something that reminded her of a particular memory, she would have to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from showing those emotions publicly, but she had become really good at postponing her breakdowns until she was alone. 

She had been trying to keep it all together, to do good in the way she had learned since she had joined SHIELD and later the Avengers. Of course, in the two years prior to this, they had been fugitives but they had still helped in small ways, unseen ways. And now she tried to keep it up, to coordinate with Wakanda, with other countries and with their friends out there in space.

It was nearly enough work to convince her that she didn't have time for Christmas anyways but then, Pepper called unexpectedly and invited her to her new home. She and Tony had moved out, left the Avengers complex under her and Steve's care and had tried to begin a new life somewhere out in the countryside.

Nobody faulted them for leaving, in fact, Natasha felt like there were quite a few who envied them what they still had, what they were able to do. She certainly had those moments herself. But she wasn't one to wallow in her misfortune, instead, she tried to take it as an example that it was possible to find something good in even this horrible situation.

When she pulled up the idyllic house by the lake she could nearly fool herself into thinking that this was still the old world, that nothing had changed at all. Even stepping inside, after Pepper had greeted her with a hug, it was as if she was entering a whole different realm of existence. There was a giant tree with a huge pile of presents underneath. A fireplace with extra logs next to it and stockings hung up next to it. A sofa and two armchairs were strategically placed around the fireplace, all adorned with soft looking cushions and blankets. 

It was a picture that made Natasha nearly physically recoil. So many emotions and memories flooded her all at the same time and she needed to employ all of her methods of calming herself down just to keep breathing and not break down on the spot.

Pepper seemed to be aware of her trepidation as she looked understanding and apologetic, her eyes sad. When she spoke, it was in a quiet voice, as if she didn't want to disturb the atmosphere.

"I know most people don't decorate, but I just wanted to have something, you know…"

She trailed off, but Natasha understood. 

"Something normal."

Her voice sounded scratchy, quiet, and if she had been in public she would have made more of an effort to hide her feelings, but this was Pepper, one of her best friends. She knew there would be only understanding here.

Pepper nodded and gestured to one of the sofas. Natasha sat down, still at the same time basking in the warmth and brightness of the room and fighting the urge to run away and hide from the emotions it stirred up in her.

For a moment, neither of them talked, Pepper understanding that Natasha needed a little time and Natasha not knowing what to say at all or how to say it. Eventually, Pepper cleared her throat.

"So, how are things?"

Before she could stop herself, Natasha had let out a sound somewhere between a surprised huff and a dry laugh. 

"Really?"

Pepper seemed to realize what she had just asked and scrunched up her face.

"I just mean…"

Not feeling like seeing her squirm, Natasha smiled and held up her hand.

"It's okay. Things are… Better. I think. A little at least. Bruce won't leave his lab, Rhodey is traveling the world to put out fires, Steve still walks around like the entire weight of the world is on his shoulders. I haven't actually seen Thor in a while, last I've heard, he's leading New Asgard, in Norway."

Encouraged by her answer, Pepper took her hand, knowing that she was deflecting but also sensing that she did want to talk about this, even though Natasha hoped she had enough sense to avoid the name she had purposely left off that list. Apparently she did because after a moment, what she asked was not about Clint. Which was a slight relief for Natasha, even when she didn't quite know how to answer that question either.

"What about you?"

Letting out another dry laugh and trying her best not to start crying on the spot, Natasha fought against the urge to take her hand back and leave and instead looked at Pepper. There was only compassion there, and love, no pity as she had feared. Smiling more genuinely now, Natasha shrugged half heartedly.

"I eat. I sleep. I get up. I organize. I try to keep everything from falling apart. That's about it.", after a moment she thought of something else "Oh, and I have weekly conference calls with a raccoon, that's something, right?"

Pepper looked at her with understanding and laughed a little at her joke.

"I'm happy things are a little bit better. At least as much as they can be."

Natasha nodded.

"How is it here? Are you settling in okay?"

Now Pepper's eyes lit up a little. This was clearly a better topic for her and she was eager to get away from the painful parts.

"Oh yes. The house is amazing. Tony completely refurbished it and made it exactly after my specifications. I love it. Of course, he also has some kind of secret lab in the garage, but I'm really just so happy that he's working on things again after…"

She trailed off again, realizing that she was treading into dangerous waters. It seemed there wasn't much of a possibility to hold a conversation without doing so, but Natasha was used to it by now, or as much as she could be. She smiled.

"I'm happy you're settling in. And these decorations are beautiful."

"Thank you. I feel like I went a little overboard, but it just felt appropriate. Having a little light and cheer is always good, especially this year. It's why I called you, I wanted to ask your opinion about hosting a Christmas party."

That surprised Natasha. Of course, Tony had always hosted parties, but that was before. Since they had lost, Tony had basically fallen off of the party scene, not that there was much of one left to fall off from, but still.

"A party? For whom?"

"I don't know, I was thinking, you, Rhodey, Bruce, Thor, maybe Carol and Nebula if they are on Earth at the time."

Natasha was thankful Pepper once again had omitted Clint, even when his absence was sorely felt. She swallowed down her emotions and nodded, smiling again.

"I can't speak for all of them but I think a party would be nice."

Pepper looked relieved.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. It's Christmas after all."


End file.
